Fear Not the Psyker--fear the Psyker's FRIENDS
by Afalstein
Summary: One Punch OneShot. Tatsumaki cannot BELIEVE what an idiot her sister is. She TOLD Fubuki to stay in the citadel and focus on those Ork things. What she's doing here, breaking her sister out of the Space Marine ship alongside Caped Baldy and his stupid robot friend, Tatsumaki doesn't understand.


She could hear them talking.

"This psyker is insane, truly, but not yet blasphemous, my lord." Librarian Desmondus said, energy crackling from his cowl. "She rages against the wards with apocalyptic fury, but her blandishments have merely been assertions about our motherhood and the state of our masculinity. She has committed no heresy against the emperor."

Commander Gaius looked at her with suspicion. She could just barely see his scarred face between the one Terminator's energy fist and the other one's plasma cannon. "Is she a worshipper of the false Emperor we slew? Or his 'god?'"

She really didn't understand their weird fascination with the Homeless Emperor. Then again, who understood anything about these weirdos? Everybody'd been _soooo_ eager to accept them when they'd been helping against those green-monster-things that came out of the same portal. She'd _said_ they didn't need them, she'd _said_ she could handle those weird lizard things on her own. But did anyone ever listen to her? Nooooo…

"No, my lord." Librarian Desmondus said. "By her account, the emperor we slew was a criminal even to their people, and of his 'god' she knows nothing. Indeed, her spirit seems resistant to the call of the Warp. There is no taint of the demonic about her."

"So you say." Commander Gaius looked at her.

Tatsumaki grinned. She'd stopped the insults for now, but only because she was waiting for that baldy with the big staff to come close again. She was building one up. It was a five-minute insult, at least.

"My lord, I and my fellow librarians have searched her spirit deeply." The librarian said. "She was resistant to our interrogations, but truly the stain of the Warp cannot be hidden so completely. Think, my lord, of the boon to the Imperium—a psyker, of her class, who feels not the temptation of heresy."

"Heresy." These morons were big on heresy. Ever since Sitch had looked blank when they'd asked him about worshipping the Emperor, it'd been nothing but "heresy" this, "heresy" that.

"Hm." Commander Gaius rubbed his chin. "It is true that I am desirous to take something from this world, in repayment for all the men we have lost against it. You are confident that the wards will hold her powers in check?"

 _Wards._ Is that what they called chaining her spread-eagled like this? Perverts. Still, Tatsumaki could not suppress an icy core of terror. Whatever they'd done, either the chains, or the collar, or the weird symbols scribbled all over the room, she couldn't "reach out" like usual.

It must be that she just wasn't at her best right now.

"Doubt me not, my commander." Librarian Desmondus smiled. "She is as helpless here as the child she seems to be."

 _That_ was unforgiveable. "I'm 27!" She screamed.

Ignoring her, Commander Gaius gave a nod. "Very well. I shall send the word through my ranks to capture all such psykers encountered before we return to the Warp. You and your brethren shall be responsible for guiding them to the eternal light of the Emperor."

"Praises to his name." Librarian Desmondus made a bow.

"If they accept his guidance," Gaius continued, "we shall deliver them to the masters for proper training. If they will not…"

He broke off suddenly. "What is that noise?"

"Commander Gaius!" A panicked voice rang from the collar of his massive armor. "Heretics have breached the Inner Sanctum! Our brothers are…"

The doors blew open with thunderous force, knocking the librarian and the commander to the floor with the mere shockwave. Tatsumaki felt it slam into her like a concussive force. The Terminators around her weathered the blast, struggling to turn to face the bald-headed man in the yellow jumpsuit standing in the doorway.

"Oops." He said, looking ruefully at the doors.

"Thermal CANNON!" A flash of metal leapt out from behind him, catching half the terminators in a wave of pure plasma. Gunfire rained in return on the cyborg with glowing yellow eyes, as he lowered his smoking palms and dashed at the squad sergeant. "Machine-gun blows!"

"Psychic Whirlwind!" a dark-haired woman flew out from behind the other side of the man. Invisible lines tugged at the Space Marines' feet, flinging them to the floor.

 _Fubuki?_ Tatsumaki started pulling harder at the chains. This was bad. This was very bad.

"Oy, oy." Saitama called out. "We don't even know if..."

Monomolecular tungsten sliced at his throat. The man barely seemed to move, but the sword hissed harmlessly through the air mere nanometers from his skin. "Hey, you might want to be careful with that." He said to Commander Gaius.

"Die, heretic! Pagan nonbeliever!" Commander Gaius roared, swinging his bolter around. "Burn in the eternal fury awaiting you! Tremble before us, for we are the bloody sword of his judgement, we are the purging fire of his wrath."

"Yeah, yeah, right right." The man didn't seem to be even moving, and yet not a single bullet hit him.

"Hold on, Tatsumaki!" Fubuki called to her. "We're coming!"

"Coming?" She could not _believe_ her sister's idiocy. "You need to _go!_ You need to _get out_ of here!" Tatsumaki tried to give some psychic force to her arms, and again felt nothing. "Take Egghead and Eggbeater with you!" She shouted, pulling vainly at the chains. "I'm fine!"

"Not withaaaaghhhhh!" She saw Fubuki swing suddenly into the air, clutching at her throat.

Librarian Desmondus stood to his feet, staff glowing. "Cursed are you, vile psyker, for daring to tread the sacred halls of the inner sanctum. Now you who might have tasted the bounties of his blessings shall feel instead the rod of…"

Fubuki gurgled. Tatsumaki screamed, throwing herself against the chains, the wards around her glowing. She saw Saitama's bald head glance over with something like mild curiosity.

A metal arm shot out, blowing superheated plasma straight into a significant-looking bit of metalwork on the ceiling.

And Tatsumaki felt a crack.

Instantly the room was filled with green light. The terminators flew off the floor and smashed into the ceiling, then back into the floor, then scraping back and forth across the floor, armor shredding as the hated "wards" disappeared. Fubuki fell back to the floor, gasping for breath, as the chains snapped free of their moorings.

The collar around Tatsumaki's neck shattered.

Librarian Desmondus had barely time to whimper before he was crushed into a grapefruit-sized ball of metal and flesh. Commander Gaius would have met the same fate, if he hadn't been currently spread over a substantial part of the back wall, bits of armor and circuitry scattered at random intervals in the blood around a fist-sized patch of clean wall in the exact middle.

Saitama lowered his fist. "Man, I was really hoping for more, with that armor." He glanced over at Fubuki. "You good?"

Fubuki, coughing, waved her thanks.

Tatsumaki was having none of it. " _You nincompoop!"_ She shouted, flying straight at her sister. "What did you… what were you even doing… I told you to stay in the citadel, to focus on those Ork things…" She slapped her sister across the face. " _Baka!_ Of all the stupid, idiotic, headstrong…" She grabbed Fubuki by the shoulders and hugged her furiously. "You could have been hurt!"

"So might you." Genos said, picking his way over the Terminator corpses. "Are you all right, S-Class Tornado?"

"I was fine!" Tatsumaki shouted, looking over at him. "I had it covered! What were you doing, dragging my sister into this?"

"I was ordered to work together with Drive Knight to rescue you while the other heroes mounted a diversionary attack." Genos said. "I did not seek to 'drag your sister' into this. She was very… insistent about accompanying me."

"I made him take me." Fubuki said. "I said I'd spoil his secret entrance if he didn't let me come along."

"And I tagged along because I had nothing better to do." Saitama said.

Tatsumaki stood back with a little _huff._ "I didn't need rescuing." She said.

"No, of course, you looked like you were just fine." Fubuki said, fixing her with a glare. She was feeling the side of her face.

"I know." Genos said, looking around the room. "My systems calculated thirty-five different weaknesses in the psychic inhibitors surrounding this room, twenty of which you had already started to exploit."

Tatsumaki blinked. She had? That must have been some sort of subconscious psychic thing. Unless the cyborg was trying to butter her up or something.

"Whoah, Genos, you understand this stuff?" Saitama raised his eyebrows.

"No." Genos shook his head. "It is a technology with which I am wholly unfamiliar. But the infrastructure—the power networks, the cooling valves—that my systems can more readily analyze and interpret."

"So that's how you knew what to shoot." Tatsumaki said, deciding to forget about the "buttering up" question for now.

"Disabling the systems was always the main priority." Genos said, gaze still unwavering. "Even before Drive Knight disappeared. It was obvious you would be much more able to resolve the situation than I or Ms. Fubuki."

"Hmph." That was… acceptable reasoning, even if the lack of Saitama in that category was irritating. Anyway, none of that had anything to do with Fubuki. "You shouldn't be here anyway." She said, turning on her younger sister and wagging her finger. "All B-class heroes are supposed to be helping with the refugee centers! I _told_ you to stay in the Citadel…"

"You were captured!" Fubuki shouted. "I couldn't just let my sister get cut apart by these… whatever-they-are!"

"The crest we passed on the way in said 'Adeptus Astartes.'" Genos noted helpfully.

"That's not the point!" Tatsumaki shouted back. "I got captured! What made you think you stood a chance?"

"That's not the point _either_!" Fubuki shouted. The two sisters were inches apart from each other. "I wasn't… calculating the odds! I couldn't help myself!"

"That's stupid!" Tatsumaki noticed Saitama and Genos off to the side, exchanging glances and slowly backing away.

"Not as stupid as getting captured!"

Tatsumaki ground her teeth. "If I'd wanted you to kill yourself rescuing me, I wouldn't have told you to stay in the base!"

"Are you saying you WOULD have stayed in the base if _I'd_ gotten captured?" Fubuki said.

"That's different! I wouldn't die!"

"Apparently you would have!"

Tatsumaki's face flamed up. Her hair curled. The bodies and bits of debris started to float, wreathed in green light.

"Ah, crap." A voice cut into the haze of her fury. "Oi, what's the problem anyway?" Saitama said, pushing his way between them. He didn't even have the sense to flinch as she glared at him. "You're always saying how you sisters can only depend on each other, and how Fubuki needs to get stronger." He shrugged. "You can depend on her to rescue you. Clearly that's strong."

Tatsumaki was too distracted to notice her sister's reaction, or she might have seen something that made her angrier yet. Instead, she was thinking. She could accept that. Yes, that made sense. That made a lot of sense, actually. When had Caped Baldy gotten a brain?

"Hmph." She said, crossing her arms. "She didn't need to bring you two."

"Yes, I did." Fubuki said. "Say thank you."

Tatsumaki held up a finger. "Don't push it." She looked over at Genos. "That… was a good idea, with the shot." She said grudgingly.

Genos just nodded. The cyborg wasn't really so bad, she considered. At least he recognized power when he saw it, even if he had the same weakness for "attachments" that her sister did.

Helpful as those attachments had been, in this _specific_ case.

"Hey, can we get moving?" Saitama rubbed the back of his head. "I wanna see what's in that rift thing of theirs and punch it in the face."

"Sensei, our orders were to return with Tatsumaki once we'd recovered…"

"Eh, whatever." Saitama waved. "You guys can make it back, right? I'm not even supposed to be here."

Fubuki suddenly fell over. "Ow!" She said. "My leg!" She grabbed it. "I must've… when I fell…"

Genos was scanning. "I do not… oh. Yes. I see. That is a severe fracture. Very bad." He turned to look at Saitama. "I do not know that we will be able to make it out of here alone, Sensei."

"Aw, c'mon, Genos, you're a tough guy. Just go out the way we came. Plus, you got Tatsumari with you…"

Tatsumaki frowned. Caped Baldy's impudence aside, she could tell something was wrong with her sister—but not her leg. In fact, Tatsumaki could sense no injury, or even pain…

Fubuki looked at her, just the faintest plea in her eye.

 _What could she… oh._ Tatsumaki internally rolled her eyes. _Fine._ "You're all stupid." She announced, unable to come up with a better insult on the spot, and immediately she shot through the bulkhead, sealing the hole behind her with a wave of her hand. Why her sister should care whether that moron got himself killed or not was beyond her, but she supposed she owed Fubuki at least this much.

Telepathically, she listened in _. "Aw, crap, the whiny child's gone?"_

" _Ah… ah my leg! It feels bad, it feels really bad, I think it might be infected."_

" _I can detect life signatures moving toward us, sensei. I do not know if I can hold them off while carrying Ms. Fubuki._

" _Ah! Oh! The pain!"_

 _*sigh* "Fine, I'll help you guys get out."_

" _One… one of us should carry her, sensei."_

" _Ah, my leg—wait, what?"_

" _Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it."_

" _No, hang on, I don't know that you need to… Ooop!"_

" _I'll scout ahead, sensei!"_

Tatsumaki shook her head. Fubuki and her _friends_.

* * *

 **A/N:** Just a fun little story. The SpaceBattles forum, where I posted this originally, had a lot of fun teasing out the various implications of Saitama in the 40K universe, but honestly I just wanted them as set dressing. Their hugely elaborate, bombastic culture provides a wonderful foil to One Punch's simplicity. And I also needed someone who might conceivably be powerful enough to hold Tatsumaki, if she could be knocked out.

Doubt I'll develop this any further, I'm not really familiar enough with the 40K world to unpack it much more. I've started posting abandoned story ideas on my website, "Roads Not Taken." afalsteinjdkloosterman. wordpress Maybe some drabbles will appear there eventually, but I doubt it. I just wanted a fun one-shot idea.


End file.
